Susan
In the past, I learned not to say anything because it wasn’t safe, and I was in survival mode. Staying silent was later used against me when I was asked why I didn’t speak up. Through mental health advocacy, I can express how I feel in therapy. I see my therapist as a mirror that helps me understand myself better, revealing that it was never me who was at fault, but rather the situation that was wrong. This journey has also emphasized the importance of peer support and survivor support, reminding me that I am not alone in my experiences.
Margaret
After many ups and downs in my life, seven years ago I developed chronic pain in my back, lost my job and independence. Then, two years ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Pain sends you to all sorts of dark places.
At a doing well meeting through my GP, I was referred to Survivors Unite, an organization focused on mental health advocacy, where I attended a group. I have never felt so welcomed by other Survivors; I felt valued and empowered for the first time. Despite my low self-esteem, my opinion and voice mattered. I then volunteered to support Survivors and became a Trustee.
Eventually, I moved on to working part-time as a Peer Support Worker. I still experience the usual ups and downs of life, but now I feel valued as I give back the support that I received and continue to receive. Without this charity, I'm not sure I would be able to call myself a Survivor. The people I have come to know are like family. I am now much more knowledgeable about trauma and view the world through a different lens. Thank you, Survivors Unite, for your unwavering survivor support.
Paul
My name is Paul and I am 56 years old. For most of my life, I have felt separate and dislocated from myself and my surroundings, seeing myself as an observer of life rather than a participant. I know this was due to experiences in my early childhood that affected my mental health.
Even though I 'knew' about these experiences, I could never fully understand them or give them credence as they felt surreal and distant. I have often described these as a movie playing in my head, which I watch repeatedly as an observer. In truth, I was badly treated, neglected, beaten, sexually abused, psychologically scarred, and emotionally destroyed by the very adults who were supposed to care for me. The damage from these experiences has profoundly impacted my life, leading to profound loneliness and isolation, largely due to my inability to trust anyone or acknowledge my own worthiness of care and happiness.
This mindset from an early age has manifested in destructive coping behaviors, including alcohol and drug abuse, psychological self-harm, and life-threatening actions that led to mental ill-health, emotional dislocation, broken relationships, and suicidal ideation. I found myself trapped in a tortuous thought pattern where I felt guilty in all situations, constantly trying to please others while shouldering the blame for the world's suffering due to the guilt and shame I had carried. I lived a true hell, hidden behind a mask of societal success, projecting a robust, talented persona that seemed to radiate happiness. I refer to this facade as 'Plastic Paul.' This was the version of me that most people knew, but it was merely a suit of armor.
Since I was 30, I have worked in the care sector, supporting adults with learning difficulties. During this time, I seriously considered that I might have a learning disability, possibly autism or Asperger’s syndrome, as it helped explain my feelings of dislocation. However, I realized this was not the solution I sought.
I spent 17 years working in a mental health day center, where I came to understand that I did indeed have mental health issues, characterized by anxiety and depression. At times, I even suspected I had bipolar disorder as the symptoms aligned with my experiences—flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and feelings of multiple personalities within me, all while feeling disconnected from my surroundings. I endured several extended sick leaves due to the pressure from my overly critical internal dialogue and self-destructive behaviors that led me to consider suicide as a way out.
Last year (2020), while on sick leave, I began receiving peer support from Survivors Unite, an agency I had ironically referred others to in my professional capacity. I had weekly one-on-one sessions for the first few months, followed by additional support from a counselor. The support I received was different in focus but consistent in its approach.
We reflected on my life through the lens of being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I initially struggled with this concept because the 'movie' in my head felt unreal and disconnected from me. Yet, through the survivor support I received, I began to recognize and accept what truly happened to me, acknowledging that I was the victim and starting to view my life from a more positive perspective.
The transformation this support facilitated in my life occurred within a relatively short time, and I can only express it by saying I was unequivocally believed. I received support like never before; I was not alone, and I learned that I had control over my life. I realized that everything I experienced in my mind had actually happened and that my brain was merely protecting me from the trauma. With this new understanding, I began to see a way out of the hellish vision of my life. I learned that despite my previous beliefs, I was successful, popular, liked, talented, intelligent, skilled, experienced, valued, and capable of both giving and receiving love.
This feeling of empowerment was unprecedented compared to any previous therapies I had received or promoted in my career. While those services are undoubtedly valuable, they often addressed the symptoms of my illness rather than the root trauma causing those symptoms.
Survivors Unite is a unique service that must continue to develop and grow. Many survivors are still in the place I once was, lacking hope for change and recovery. They need this specific type of survivor support as well.
To express my gratitude for this service, I can say that the language used, the type of support provided, the cultivation of trust, and the unwavering feeling of being believed, supported, and understood have become the foundation of my personal recovery.
Survivors Unite was truly the answer.
Thank you.
